Maybe it’s for the better, maybe it was a mistake. Here is my take on how to bring that friendship/relationship back to life.
Has a friendship ever ended in your life and after a while you feel like it was a mistake? Relationships and friendships come and go in our lives. The famous quote says that people come and go but leave their foot prints embedded in our hearts forever. Before you start reviving an old relationship you must consider both sides of feelings. You might be devastated about the relationship and will give everything to get it back, but the other person might have the opposite feelings.
Unfortunately, we cannot control who pass through our lives, but we can try and learn from it. The situation might be soul destroying and you are ready to bring it back to life. The other party might not feel the same way. The first step really is a gamble, you might get rejected or accepted. We hope you get accepted as no one likes rejection.
How do we approach the first step though? With CAUTION!! For example, you broke up with your bestie because he/she said something about your behaviour you didn’t like. At that point in time, your natural instincts told you to defend yourself. Some nasty things were said, and the relationship is now lost forever. It’s been a few months and you have come to your senses, apology ready. You have stalked them on social media for quite some time and can see they have moved on and found some new friends. You want to be their best friend again though…
First things first!! Social Media is a lie, no one is truly as happy in real life as what they make out to be on social media. I’m sure that you still have his/her number on your phone? Text them! One thing you need to understand though is that Rome wasn’t built in day. Building the trust of a relationship up again is something difficult. See it as trying to go the opposite way on the escalator. It’s possible but difficult. Initiate the conversation but don’t become too much. He/she is no longer your best friend, they are now just another human who you used to know. Don’t become over bearing and spam them with 50 text messages. A simple “good morning, have a good day” text is fine for just making the other person aware that you are thinking about them. They probably won’t reply in the first go but it will come. One of two things will happen, you will either get the same kind of small talk back or you will get blocked. In my head I always prep for the worst. But today, let’s get accepted!
Initial conversation and small talk aside, time for a real conversation. Suggest meeting up or even just having a decent phone call. Apologies work best when the other party is in a good mood. Don’t be arrogant about it. Admit to your flaws and admit to your mistakes. Great so the worst it out the way. Now we must build our relationship back up to the greatness that it once was. This takes time and you start realising the other party isn’t exactly sharing all the details like they used to.
Humans are strange, and we are more attracted to the negative than the positive. For example, people will only ask questions when you reply to the common question “how are you?” with “not so great. They don’t care about things when they are going “good”.
The relationship is in progress, but you understand the fact that he/she has other friends now. Now, you start waiting for something terrible to happen, so they can call you and you can play the hero in the scenario. You are constantly wishing for that message just, so you can have some insight into their lives again. Let me have a “mom” moment here: DON’T WISH UPON OTHERS WHAT YOU WOULDN’T WISH UPON YOURSELF.
Yes, you miss your bestie but wishing bad upon them just to look/feel good is selfish and pathetic. Remember you were the one who screwed up not them. You decided to jump down the rabbit hole to fix the relationship. Time and caution are the only things that will fix this. Instead of spamming them, send one meaningful message a day and wait your turn. Also know when you start irritating them. These signs might be short replies or irrelevant replies. If you do meet up again, remember to be on time and show some effort. Listen to them, compliment them and laugh with them. Don’t ask about things that you know had a negative impact on them somewhere in their lives. Keep it light, keep it casual. You aren’t there best friend anymore. You have been demoted. This is a very important thing to remember. Imagine falling down a staircase, you aren’t going to start at the top where you stopped, you will have to start from the bottom and work your way up again.
But before, you start going down the rabbit hole and fix things. Take a moment and ask yourself some questions. Not specifically over a period of 10 or 20 minutes, take some good time and think about it. Are there aspects of this person that can influence your life positively? Do they add value to you as a person? Sure, for now all these questions are “yes” but that was a rather hasty decision. Take time, dear Human. The world is a cruel place and we are responsible for our own happiness in the end. If you do decide to bring it back to life, make sure it’s for good reasons.
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