The differences between the 2 relationships.

After reading up on this topic and after researching the different kinds of D/S relationships, I understand the topic much better and have quite the opinion about it. The term “Dominant” refers to being in a commanding or elevated position. The term “submissive” refers to being ready to submit or yield to authority of another. Many people see these kind of relationships as abuse but the more I read into it, the more I realised that these are normal relationships with extra caution.

These relationships only have better sex and rules are followed to the letter.

The dominant is supposed to look after his submissive. He is her teacher, her lover and her guardian. As her teacher, he teaches her more about her own limits and how much she can take in a sexual aspect. As her lover, he must care for her and see to her emotional and physical needs. As her guardian, he is responsible for protecting her. The dominant is to be loyal and faithful to his submissive.

The submissive is supposed to be loyal and obedient to her dominant. Every submissive have their limits and the dominant must adhere to these limits. The submissive is to obey her dominant’s every command and please him. If the submissive behaves he/she gets rewarded. If the dominant feels that the submissive have not pleased them, he/she gets punished. To be a submissive, an individual must ache and crave to be controlled. You must crave the feeling of pleasing another. You must have the ultimate need to obey your masters’ commands.

The above is a more or less summary of what it takes to either be a submissive or dominant. Seems straight forward, right? In these relationships, there are a lot of trust and communication. You have to be completely open to your partner. At the end of the day you are opening more than your legs to the other party. You are opening a part of your soul and sanity. The other party will know you inside and out by the end of everything.

If we look at these kinds of relationships in the sexual perspective, we start to see that its normal sex but with the extra kink factor. Every married couple has tied up one another or tried spanking. In BDSM, it’s pretty much the same but intensified in certain aspects. Instead of wondering whether the other party would like to be spanked, they know they want to be spanked.

How is this abuse if everyone tries it but in different environments?

Let’s have a look at “Vanilla” relationships.

A “vanilla” relationship is a normal relationship. The normal stuff you see in movies. The normal love stories with the fairy tale endings. Guy meets girl. They both like each other and hit it off. They don’t know anything about each other’s likes and dislikes. Neither of the parties know what the limits are. We just base our relationship off the best romcom we have seen and expect it to turn out the exact same. The break ups are terrible and even if it was a mutual decision there are feelings of hurt and failure. You only open a tiny bit of your life to this person and, yet you feel like a train wreck afterwards. You don’t even know whether this person is committed to you or if you can trust the other party. There are so many risk factors once we get into a “vanilla” relationship. You can get hurt instantly.

Some of the “vanilla” relationships we get into are just as abusive and harming as the picture the world paints on BDSM. Abuse is a serious crime. Whether in a “vanilla” relationship or a bad dominant. The risk is real and if limits are not set you could get hurt easily, emotionally and physically. Things that are supposed to be discussed before any kind of sexual interaction commences. Half the woman in society are oblivious to the fact that STDs and pregnancy is real. They jump into bed without a condom and expect a flat screen TV after 9 months. In a BDSM relationship, your dominant forces you to be on birth control and take an annual test to check for STDs. Your dominant looks after your well being mentally and physically. However, we all make mistakes you have the right to stand up to your Dom and say no. Basically, just as you have the right to have a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend in your “vanilla” relationship.

There are basic rules which applies to both “vanilla” and BDSM relationships. The ultimate and most important rule being respect towards both parties. Most people in “vanilla” relationships take this for granted and see it as a given, however the deeper we go into these relationships the more we find that people don’t give the respect deserved to the other party anymore.

There are many other examples that I can bring to the table but the whole post is about opening your mind to the reality of the other kind of relationship we see as taboo. Any kind of relationship has its flaws and risks, may this be a friendship, business relationship or personal relationship. There are many controversial opinions about the BDSM culture and it gets seen as taboo most of the time. There are many undercover doms/subs in our everyday culture. They are normal people just like the grocery store clerk and the 6th grade teacher. Do some research and get your facts straight before judging this kind of culture again. Read further than just the sex next time and complete the whole 50 shades series.

 

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 BSM vs. Vanilla

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One thought on “BDSM vs. Vanilla

  1. Very cool insights here and I am quite familiar with the 50 Shades books, which in my view is way better than the movies. Also check out the Submission series which gives you a more topic specific perspective: https://youtu.be/cnFznyZN61E
    I agree 100% that it can be very fulfilling and does not have to spring from childhood abuse. It is mostly very dominant personalities that want to be submissive in a relationship. Its also a magnificent opportunity to learn about a part of yourself you don’t normally get to experience. Love your courageous writing always.

    Like

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